Yes, You Do. You Have Great Lingerie. You Also Have the Cotton Underwear that's Been Washed a Thousand Times, and It's Hanging on the Thing

FADE IN

INT. A BEDROOM IN SCARBOROUGH

TIM CHANDLER sits alone at a desk lit by a desk lamp.

TIM

I'm going to distract myself for 15 mintues from the Alfred Gell article by writing a blog post. I simply can't deal with the guilt of not having posted on Saturday and Sunday. #ManuscriptMarch is a fucking sham. I am a fraud.

FADE OUT

Thought I would switch things up there and work in a different medium for the introduction. That was my first official foray into screenwriting.

*bows amidst a down-pouring of roses from the audience*

I thought I would also switch things up and revive something I used to do a lot on this blog, the High Fidelity-influenced series of "Top 5" lists. Let's shake off the rust and get down to arbitrary list-making business.

Top 5 Albums That I Have Listened to Today:

5. The Brave Little Abacus- Masked Dancers: Concern In So Many Things You Forget Where You Are

4. Wayfarer- What We've Become

3. CHVRCHES- The Bones of What You Believe

2. Tigers Jaw- Charmer

1. Dillinger Four- Vs. God

Though album #3 just ended and New Order's Power, Corruption and Lies started and that is one hundred fucking percent number 1.

Top 5 Favourite Podcast Episodes Over the Last Two Weeks:

5. Birds All Day- Episode 50

4. Cheap Heat- No Shane, No Gain

3. Bill Simmons Podcast- The Watch Takeover

2. Art of Wrestling- Tony Mamaluke

1. Turned Out a Punk- Melanie Kaye

Top 5 Blue Jays, as per Their Performance in Spring Training

5. Darwin Barney

4. Justin Smoak

3. Marcus Stroman

2. Michael Saunders

1. Troy Tulowitzki

Troy Tulowitzki plays for the Blue Jays and that is so surreal that I still don't believe it sometimes.

Top 5 Quotes from "Homer Goes to College" that I Would Like to Direct to the Dean of the College of Arts

5. "Boy, I can't wait to take some of the starch out of that stuffed shirt."

4. "Hello, Dean? You're a stupid-head!"

3. "Marge, someone squeezed all the life out of these kids. And unless movies have lied to me, it's a crusty, bitter, old dean."

2. "Oh, I hate that lousy dean."

1. "Yeah, you won this round Dean, but the war isn't over."

Top 5 TV Shows Right Now

5. Schitt's Creek

4. Show Me a Hero (It counts?)

3. The Last Man on Earth

2. Man Seeking Woman

1. Togetherness

Top 5 TV Shows That I Can't Wait For the Start Of

5. True Detective, I guess

4. Documentary Now!

3. Rick and Morty

2. Regular Show

1. Silicon Valley

So long folks.